forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
