it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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