before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
