I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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