I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
