maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
