The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
