Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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