so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did I show you my penis last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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