no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
