We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
