My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
