Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
