So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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