Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
