I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
