East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
