i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
