So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
