my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
