You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
