if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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