I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
