a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
