brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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