Im at strip club and am horny
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
