some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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