Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
