I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
