How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
