Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
