so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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