Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
