my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
