Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
