There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Randomize
