Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
