just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
