I looked at my own cervix.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
