so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can u get pink eye on your cock?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
