Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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