chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
