I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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