he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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