I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
