is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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