ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
