Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
