Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
