I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
