Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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