No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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