You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
