my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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